Jun 132011

13th June 1986

My “RWS” has sort of been cancelled!! We have got a re-test on Monday but if we do bad in that we’re in deep poo!!! After school I had my hair cut!!! It’s just like last time….. a bog brush!!! We have got “Interview” at my house this time!! Paul kept calling me “Kojak” so I called him “Bason Breath!!” After the “Interview” we played football!! All our plants got knocked down!!! Trust it to be me!!!! Muver has found my “Mayfair!!!!!!!!!!” She wasn’t that angry!! I told her the whole story and that I read it when I’m depressed!!!!!

Wow, apart from the cancelled “RWS”, this Friday the 13th really was jam packed with bad luck!

Firstly, getting another crap haircut which resulted in a rubbish name calling battle with Paul. And Kojak was completely bald as far as I remember. Maybe if I tried styling wax I could have made my hair look a little less lavatorial but I don’t think I ever used any product unless I was entering a Pram Race. And this would have been a plastic pot of hair gel which was basically just a container filled with sneeze.

Secondly, getting a bunch of Christians round our house for the “Interview” (it’s a witty play on words; “Inter” – the age group of our lot; and “View” – looking at religious mind wipe shite), only for them to destroy the garden with a kicky ball. I suppose I should forgive them. That would be the Christian thing to do. Nah! Bollocks to that!

Thirdly, and the most disastrous by far ‘cos hair & plants can grow back, is Mum finding my copy of Mayfair! She was obviously snooping around my room looking for something “while doing the cleaning” which is well out of order. It was, so I thought, fairly well hidden and not the sort of thing you would come across accidentally (don’t go there!)

I can’t believe for a moment I told her the “whole story” and I obviously lied when I said I read it “when I’m depressed”, as I certainly wasn’t going to be blunt and say “Yeah Mum, get with the program. I’m a 13 year old boy. I like looking at pictures of naked birds ‘cos I’ve permanently got the raging horn!”

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